Introducing Your Toddler to Sharing

All of us take pride in ownership of our possessions. Your toddler is no different. She too finds it difficult to part with her toys which areher biggest possessions, even for a brief period. In fact this possessiveness or pride of ownership is a necessity for sharing. Sharing can be considered as an activity that your toddler has to learn even if she does not like it. This is similar to making her hold your hand when you cross the street. After all, is not the age old saying "Sharing is Caring." true?

To the toddler, the concept of owning takes precedence over sharing. Also, she does not understand the concept of lending and borrowing. She fears that she may not get back the things that she gives. As a parent, you can help her understand the importance of sharing right from when she is a toddler. This will help her as she grows up.

Ways to help children understand the importance of sharing

• Respect your toddler's belongings. If you want to take any of your toddler's belongings, get her permission before doing so. Remember to tell her "Please" when you ask her permission. Also, return them with a "Thank You". This helps her learn good manners and also understand that things which are borrowed must be returned back.
• Help her develop her self-esteem. Toddlers with low self-esteem have difficulty in sharing their toys.
• Be consistent in your approach of teaching her to share her belongings. If you tell her that it is OK to share in only some situations, she may think that it is alright even if she does not share her things.
• Explore different ways of sharing things. For example, your toddler may not associate sharing with just physical objects. You may be surprised that your toddler may sometimes not like her younger brother to sing along with her. You can tell her that she can take turns with her brother to sing the song. Another way to do this, is to take some biscuits with you when you go visiting your friends with your toddler. Once you reach your friend's place, entrust her with the task of distributing the biscuits to everyone.
• If you are arranging for a play date at your place for your toddler, request her friend's mother to send a few toys with the playmate. This will motivate the toddler to exchange her toys with her friend to play with her mate's toys. If your toddler shows resistance to sharing a few specific toys, do not force her to do so. She will slowly share those prized possessions also.
• When a play date has been planned, tell your toddler before-hand that you expect her to share her toys. Make her understand that even if the playmate plays with your toddler's toys, the toys still belong to her.
• Help her understand that she does not own all that she sees around her. For example, teach her to take turns with other toddlers for the swing in the park. Tell her that she must not push her playmate to get on to the swing. If she does not listen, you may have to remove her from the swing. Remember to be both firm and understanding with your toddler. However, do not shout at her.
• Help your toddler understand how happy her friend was when she allowed her to play with a toy. Tell her that her friend's happiness will make her also happy.
• Make your toddler realise that if she does not share her toys, her friends will not allow your toddler to play with their toys.
• Tell your toddler that you understand it is difficult for her to share. You can consider telling her that you know she loves her toys so much that it is tough for her to share. Also, tell her the benefits and importance of sharing. For example, you can tell her how sad her playmate will feel if she cannot play with your toddler's ball.
• Ask your toddler which toys she does not want her playmate to play with. Tell her to keep by those toys in a cupboard and take them out only after her playmates have left.
• If you find your toddler grabbing toys from another toddler, step in and tell her firmly "No grabbing!". Return the toy to the toddler who had it earlier.
• Encourage your toddler to resolve the fight over a toy with her playmate by herself. Intervene only if it goes out of control such as beating each other.
• Always praise and thank your toddler when she shares her toys and encourage her to continue doing so. Tell her that she has become a big girl and that big girls enjoy sharing their things. You can also reward her with a hug and a kiss.
• Remember the saying "Charity begins at home."? Set yourself as an example. Share your things with others liberally and make sure your toddler sees it. Also, share your things with your toddler. Use the word "share" to explain the act to your toddler. As an example, you can share your biscuit with her and tell her "I am sharing my biscuit with you.".

Keep in mind that your toddler will not understand the importance of sharing immediately. So be patient with her and do not rush her into the world of sharing. It will take time for her to actually be ready to part with her things. The "Mines" and "My Turns" take a long time to go away. It is advisable not to schedule the initial play dates for more than an hour each time.

If your sharing toddler complains about a friend not sharing her things, try to make her understand why this may be so. Tell her that it may be because her friend fears that her precious toy will be broken. Once again, stress on the importance of sharing and encourage her to continue sharing.