Children and Sharing

Children, especially toddlers find sharing their toys which are their biggest possessions, even for a brief period difficult. In fact this possessiveness or pride of ownership is a necessity for sharing. Children must learn the art of sharing even if they does not like it. This is similar to making your child hold your hand when you cross the street. After all, is not the age old saying "Sharing is Caring." true?

To the young child, the concept of owning takes precedence over sharing. Also, she does not understand the concept of lending and borrowing. She fears that she may not get back the things that she gives. As a parent, you can help her understand the importance of sharing right from when she is a toddler. This will help her as she grows up.

Ways to Help Children Enjoy Sharing and Understand Its Importance

Here are a few tips to help children learn about sharing and enjoy doing so.

• Respect your child's belongings. If you want to take any of your child's belongings, get her permission before doing so. Remember to tell her "Please" when you ask her permission. Also, return them with a "Thank You". This helps her learn good manners and also understand that things which are borrowed must be returned back.
• Help her in building her self esteem. Children with low self esteem have difficulty in sharing their toys.
• Be consistent in your approach of teaching the child to share her belongings. If you tell her that it is OK to share in only some situations, she may think that it is alright even if she does not share her things.
• Explore different ways of sharing things. For example, your child may not associate sharing with just physical objects. You may be surprised that your child may sometimes not like her younger brother to sing along with her. You can tell her that she can take turns with her brother to sing the song. Another way to do this, is to take some biscuits with you when you go visiting your friends with your child. Once you reach your friend's place, entrust her with the task of distributing the biscuits to everyone.
• If you are arranging for a play date at your place for your child, request her friend's mother to send a few toys with the playmate. This will motivate the child to exchange her toys with her friend to play with her mate's toys. If your toddler shows resistance to sharing a few specific toys, do not force her to do so. She will slowly share those prized possessions also.
• When a play date has been planned, tell your child before-hand that you expect her to share her toys. Make her understand that even if the playmate plays with your toddler's toys, the toys still belong to her.
• Help the child understand that she does not own all that she sees around her. For example, teach her to take turns with other children for the swing in the park. Tell her that she must not push her playmate to get on to the swing. If she does not listen, you may have to remove her from the swing. Remember to be both firm and understanding with your child. However, do not shout at her.
• Help your child understand how happy her friend was when she allowed her to play with a toy. Tell her that her friend's happiness will make her also happy.
• Make your child realise that if she does not share her toys, her friends will not allow your child to play with their toys.
• Tell your child that you understand it is difficult for her to share. You can consider telling her that you know she loves her toys so much that it is tough for her to share. Also, tell her the benefits and importance of sharing. For example, you can tell her how sad her playmate will feel if she cannot play with your child's ball.
• Ask your child which toys she does not want her playmate to play with. Tell her to keep by those toys in a cupboard and take them out only after her playmates have left.
• If you find your child grabbing toys from another toddler, step in and tell her firmly "No grabbing!". Return the toy to the child who had it earlier.
• Encourage your child to resolve the fight over a toy with her playmate by herself. Intervene only if it goes out of control such as beating each other.
• Always praise and thank your child when she shares her toys and encourage her to continue doing so. Tell her that she has become a big girl and that big girls enjoy sharing their things. You can also reward her with a hug and a kiss.
• Remember the saying "Charity begins at home."? Set yourself as an example. Share your things with others liberally and make sure your child sees it. Also, share your things with your child. Use the word "share" to explain the act to your child. As an example, you can share your biscuit with her and tell her "I am sharing my biscuit with you.".

Keep in mind that children will not understand the importance of sharing immediately. So be patient with her and do not rush her into the world of sharing. It will take time for her to actually be ready to part with her things. The "Mines" and "My Turns" take a long time to go away. It is advisable not to schedule the initial play dates for more than an hour each time.

If your sharing child complains about a friend not sharing her things, try to make her understand why this may be so. Tell her that it may be because her friend fears that her precious toy will be broken. Once again, stress on the importance of sharing and encourage her to continue sharing.