Children and Anger

Children and anger are very closely related. Most of the time young children's anger is due to their frustration over their limited vocabulary. They are not able to verbally communicate their thoughts and vent them out through hitting, banging and the like. They may also be angry because they are tired, overstimulated or hungry. Most parents are taken aback and quite surprised by the anger exhibited by children which can even be directed at them. Also, anger in children can even be unpredictable. As a parent, you must support your child's feelings and help her to control her anger. As she grows older, she will find better ways of expressing herself and becoming self-dependent.

How to Help Children Control Anger

There are various ways you can help children control their anger. Some ways you can help your child control her anger are:

• Make your toddler feel safe and secure. Show your affection to her by hugging and kissing her as much as possible.
• If you are setting limits for your toddler, remember to be clear about them yourself. Do not give into anger when she tries to explore these limits.
• When she raises her hand to hit you as a sign of anger, hold her hand. Tell her that you understand that she is angry and that it is perfectly alright to feel so. But make it clear to her that she cannot hit others when she is angry. Tell her to say "Angry kid" or "I am angry" instead.
• Once she has learnt to say "I am angry", teach her to express her anger in words and explain why she is angry.
• Give her a pillow or some play clay that she can use for punching when she is angry. When she finds that they don't react to her anger, she will slowly calm down.
• Be firm, clear and patient with your toddler when helping to conquer her anger.
• Do not react to your toddler's anger with your own anger. Most parents get agitated with their toddler's anger and are tempted to vent out to the toddler. You must remember to be calm and control your anger in front of her.
• If you sense that your toddler is about to get angry, use some way of distraction. Simple tips such as asking her to count from 1 to 10 or giving her some water from her favourite cup may help.
• When your toddler starts shouting as a sign of anger, pretend to join her. Slowly lower your voice until there is silence. She may like imitating you and following your actions.
• Give your toddler positive praise rather than negative criticism. Too many NO's can make her angry.
• Set yourself as an example for your toddler to follow. Remember not to show your anger to your partner, family members or anyone else in front of your toddler. Keep those moments for when your toddler is out of sight.
• Prevent your toddler from getting angry. If you pay careful attention to your toddler's tantrums, it is easy to realise why she is angry. Establishing regular mealtime and bedtime routines can help you to a great extent.

Video on Controlling Children's Temper Tantrums