How many moms does it take to raise an Indian baby?

Babies born to Indian parents enjoy a unique position. They may have only one set of biological parents but are pampered, disciplined and raised by several more. You’ve probably heard that it takes a village to raise a child, but, as far as our babies are concerned, it takes at least a whole family. And I’m using the word, ‘family’ loosely. In case you’re wondering, it includes the maid servant’s daughter-in-law, the milkman, your dad’s second cousin’s mother-in-law and your grandmother’s best friend. From how much to feed your baby to when to wean her, from how to get her to sleep to disciplining techniques – you will have free, unlimited access to a lifetime of parenting advice from everyone from the minute you find out you’re pregnant.

Of course, there is a slight chance that you won’t find all the free advice useful. There’s an even bigger chance that you will find it all…well, annoying, for want of a gentler word.

I’ve been there. Although I’m not a rebel, I’ve had my share of disagreements and arguments with my parents growing up. It’s not that I don’t value their advice or don’t want to listen to them. But like most of you, I like to do things first hand and figure them out myself. And it annoys me when people, no matter how noble their intentions, prevent me from figuring out my own way. When I was about to announce our big baby news to our families, it was the one thing I dreaded most – tackling well-meaning, but unwelcome, unsolicited advice from people I cared about and who, obviously cared about me!

There’s No Escape From Free Advice – Take it or Leave it!

I knew that I couldn’t avoid it at any cost. I mean when people love you, they’ll show their concern and try to help you regardless of whether you want them to or not. So, I gave it some thought and talked it over with my husband. He knew too well how I might fly off the handle if someone hit the wrong nerve and went overboard with advice. So, we decided to take it all in our stride and consider all advice before taking or discarding it. After all, “If you can take advice from Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff, a total stranger who knows nothing about you, why can’t you at least consider what your own family tells you?” he argued. He had a point. I agreed to consider.

To our families’ credit, a lot of what they said proved to be sane and beneficial. Eat nutritious foods, walk a lot, rest often, stay positive and happy. On most occasions, bestselling authors of baby books concurred with what my 80-year old grandma said. And I was happy to follow their advice and give credit where it was due. The parts that I didn’t agree with or wouldn’t follow were tricky. We handled those by underplaying and/or skimming over them. Since we lived on the other side of the planet, this was easy and there was nobody to cross check. So, we took the advice we found useful, ignored the rest and everyone seemed happy.

But wait. You didn’t think it would all stop with the advice did you?

I wouldn’t be doing justice if I didn’t mention the best part of being an Indian baby, though - which is the incredible amount of attention, love and care you enjoy in your early days and probably throughout your life. Take my daughter for instance. When she was born, she had her grandparents by her side for the first few months. They sang to her, changed her, fed her, bathed her, cooed with her, played finger games and told her stories. When my friends’ babies headed to daycare within weeks of their birth, to be cared for by strangers, my baby had the wonderful fortune to be cared for by her doting grandparents. My American friends said I was lucky to get my parents to agree to ‘babysit’, but they did so much more than that. When they left, she enjoyed the company of her Grandma No. 2. Which was followed by our visit to India, during which, of course, everyone from the dhobi to the neighbor pitched in to care for her. Relatives and friends would beg and compete to get a glimpse of my daughter and to hold her just for a few minutes. They would be glad just to have the opportunity to change one diaper or feed her one spoon of cereal. At the slightest sign of a sneeze, people would rush in with their home remedy solutions. If she so much as smiled at one of them, it would gladden that person’s heart for days.

My daughter enjoys the privilege of being raised not just by her parents, but her whole family. And that hasn’t changed even today, after almost 4 years. Her grandparents continue to entertain her over long distance phone and Skype calls. Her uncles and aunts watch her first music or dance recital videos and send virtual applauses. Her grandmothers send her new clothes and her favorite treats every chance they get. (I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they have an understanding with the Indian and US postal services, considering the kind and size of parcels we receive.) She just has to cough once and phone calls come flooding in enquiring after her health and offering tips to make her feel better.

No, the advice never ends. But, neither does the love.

So, as my family continues to dole out generous doses of both spontaneously and unconditionally, I’ve come to realize that listening to parenting advice from my family is a very small price to pay for the priceless, lifetime perks my baby and I enjoy.