Children and Discipline

Children need discipline right from the early days. A sense of discipline is an important skill that children develop through their early years. Most parents would like their children to grow up as disciplined and well-balanced individuals, who employ effective self-control. Effective children disciplining strategies in the early years help to develop this.

Guidelines for Parents to Discipline Children

• Set limits for the child and follow up on the consequences. If he messes up his room, make him aware that he will also be responsible for cleaning it up
• It becomes easier to discipline the child when you know what triggers his misbehaviour. If your child loves pulling at the bathroom towel, it is easier for you to keep it at a height he cannot lay his hands on. Another example is to bring some toys for him to play with if you find him pulling things out of the grocery cart when you are shopping.
• If you think your child lacks discipline because of limited freedom, try giving him some small choices. For example, you can give him the freedom to choose which dress he would like to wear from a set of three dresses that you show him.
• Reassure your child that you love him and will care for him always.
• Be consistent and firm in your discipline approach towards your child's misbehaviour.
• Make sure that when you say NO to the child, you use a firm, authoritative voice and yet do not appear angry.
• If you know that you will not adopt a particular discipline technique, do not threaten your child about the consequences of that approach.
• When you begin disciplining the child, start by focusing on just a couple of misbehaviours at a time.
• Distract the young child by trying to get him involved in some other activity. If he does not listen to you, you may have to remove him from the situation.
• If your child throws objects such as his building blocks around, take them away and tell him “You cannot throw blocks around.” At the same time, give him another toy to play with that is less harmful to throw around.
• When your temper has reached its peak and you fear that you might lose control, avoid confronting your child. You can even walk away into a separate room and try to calm down. Wait till you feel you are ready to tackle the situation.
• Make sure that the child knows what is expected of her and what she should not do.
• After enforcing the discipline, take time to make your child understand why you had to do what you did. If he has understood you, it means he has understood both his behaviour and himself a little bit more.
• At times, it is a good idea to ignore the child's misbehaviour. The child will automatically lose interest in misbehaving when he sees that you do not pay attention to it.
• Opt for a short time-out. After the time-out, explain to your child why the time-out was needed. Keep the explanation short and simple.
• Get your child's opinion on a discipline strategy. If it appears reasonable, try it out. Give her due credit if the approach worked satisfactorily.
• Do not complain about your child's misbehaviour in front of him. This will only further trigger the misbehaviour.
• Do not constantly tell your children what to do (or what not to do) in case of minor issues. This leads to unnecessarily over-instructing them in trivial matters.
• Do not call your child names or shout at him in front of his friends. Also, avoid punishing him in front of them.
• Remember to reinforce the child and praise his efforts when he tries to control himself.
• Never resort to spanking or hitting her as a means of disciplinary action. This enhances the child's aggressiveness.

Video on Discipling Children

Effects of Overdoing the Discipline in Children

Many parents make the mistake of overdoing the discipline as they attempt to raise perfect children. In reality, children who are disciplined by very strict parents face various problems. Some key problems faced by such children are:

• They become sensitive to even the mildest criticism or corrections from others (including parents).
• They keep to themselves and remain withdrawn without making friends.
• They can start revolting against what you tell them to do.
• They start showing lesser attachment towards parents and show decreased levels of love and affection.
• They often lack the ability to think for themselves.
• They may feel depressed and suffer from various health problems.
• They do not develop a sense of humor.
• When they are in an agitated state of mind, they can be rude and behave in a harsh manner.
• They act younger than their age.
• They may lack curiosity, the ability to take initiative and the growth of new skills.
• They lack the freedom to express their views.
• They are always anxious or irritated.
• They are unable to be spontaneous in their actions.
• They may have problems in maintaining the optimum weight because they fail to eat properly. Studies have shown that parents of such children use food as a reward or punishment.

Always evaluate yourself everytime you discipline the child. Your self evaluation is always the best solution to arrest problems and build confidence in the child. Finally, remember that there maybe instances where you find yourself going wrong in disciplining your child. After a punishment, you may realise that it was too hard on the child or that he was not guilty. When this happens, do not delay in apologising or admitting it to him at once. This will not result in your authority over the child getting lessened. On the other hand, the respect that your child has for you increases. Such children also learn to respond positively to honest people.